Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 1218

I think my favorite sound is the sound of someone not playing the bongos.

I'm so glad Courtney Love is here; I left my crack in my other purse.

The biggest plus of marriage is finally realizing that we are alone.

Isn't the best way to save face to keep the lower part shut?

I’m a psychic amnesiac. I know in advance what I’ll forget.

America has so much debt, if she were a person she'd need a co-signer to get a car loan.

You might be a redneck if you're an expert on worm beds.

Everybody wants to be more wanted, until they are...

It's the cutting edge of politics in a very extraordinarily boring way!

Maybe necrophiliacs are just people that want to have sex without a lot of talking.

Did you ever notice how the people who believe in creationism look really unevolved. Eyes real close together, big furry hands and feet.<br /> “I believe God created me in one day.”<br /> Looks like he rushed it.

You might be a redneck if your vehicle has a two-tone paint job - primer red and primer gray.

I am at two with nature.

I watched the Republican debate. At one point, the candidates said there are no classes in America, a point then hotly debated by all six rich white guys that were there.

Not everybody hates me. Only the people who’ve met me.