Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 1219
I can't wait till Sunday, I'm gonna see my favorite niece and my other niece...
Why do they call it the Department of Interior when they are in charge of everything outdoors?
People shouldn't take my lack of interest in what they're saying personally. I don't really care about what I'm saying most of the time.
Never trust a man who, when left alone in a room with a tea cozy, doesn't try it on.
I'm not a hypochondriac, but my gynaecologist firmly believes I am.
With good parody, you have to be smarter that the people you’re parodying.
There's a reason it's called 'girls gone wild' and not 'women gone wild'. When girls go wild, they show their tits. When women go wild, they kill men and drown their kids in a tub.
I've learned to control everything. I don't get angry at anything. Somebody can do me wrong. That's life. What good is it to get angry?
I'm very pleased to be here. Let's face it, at my age I'm very pleased to be anywhere.
It's the cutting edge of politics in a very extraordinarily boring way!
The problem is that God gives men a brain and a penis, and only enough blood to run one at a time.
Are we so desperate for entertainment that we will fall for a Trickless magician?? Saw a woman in half. Pull a rabbit out of a hat. Do something! What tricks does this guy have? "I'm in a box...and I ain't gonna eat.". "I'm in a box...and I ain't gonna eat!!"! That ain't no trick! That's called living in the projects!