Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 1219
So far rich people have been very quiet about the possibility of getting taxes raised on them, but that doesn’t mean they won’t get mad about it, it just means they don’t know about it. Because it takes a while for bad news to reach a rich person. First their accountant has to tell the butler, who has to tell the servant, who wouldn’t dare interrupt their game of croquet.
This relationship is preventing me from becoming everything I can be as a world class masturbator. I'm going to have to ask you to leave.
I'd deeply apologize to Richard Lewis for my offensive slurs to myself.
I'm not a hypochondriac, but my gynaecologist firmly believes I am.
Will Ferrell (George Bush) ... I've chosen to schedule this impromptu address at night, because quite frankly, every time I speak during the day the stock market goes in the crapper ... so sorry Asian markets, you take the hit on this one ...
"We're in this together" usually means "I'm here for you, unless it requires me getting into my car anywhere near rush hour".
Winny would spend all of his time practicing limbo... He got pretty good... He could go under a rug...
People talk to you and they try to convince you that they like what they do just because it sucks less than what they used to do… which sucked a lot.
Natural child birth means no drugs will be administered into the female’s body during the delivery. The father can have all he wants.
My movies are more popular in France than back at home. The subtitles must be great.
My dog. Last night four times he went on the paper. Three times I was reading it.
In my life, I have driven some crappy vehicles. But I have never been so desperate for a vehicle that I wanted a used rental car.