Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 1219
No matter how much makeup I wore, people just kept saying "Yes, sir! Would you like tea with that, sir?" "Yes, I would like tea. Why don't you put it on my breasts?" "Certainly. Tea for this man's breasts! Anything else, sir?"
Did you ever notice how the people who believe in creationism look really unevolved. Eyes real close together, big furry hands and feet.<br /> “I believe God created me in one day.”<br /> Looks like he rushed it.
The problem is that God gives men a brain and a penis, and only enough blood to run one at a time.
I was reading this book today, The History Of Glue and I couldn't put it down.
I’ve always benefited from knowing machines well, because it’s freedom, it gives you freedom, I always knew that.
There's something vaguely erotic about watching a woman eat a banana while cupping two plums.
I have a jar at home, and I put pennies in it whenever I curse. The other day I spilled the jar. I owe it about $25.
It was so important for me just to have my ex feel good in bed. The low point was when I started to sing, 'Here we go, orgasm! Here we go!' And then when it finally happened, running a victory lap - that was sad. And the high fives, wasn't that unnecessary?
The first day of spring is known as the "vernal equinox." The equinox is special. It only happens twice a year, like a good night in ratings for NBC.
You might be a redneck if you think Silence of the Lambs is what happens when Larry walks out to the barn.
I went to the airport, I put my bag in the x-ray machine, I found out my bag has cancer. It only has six more months to hold stuff.
People shouldn't take my lack of interest in what they're saying personally. I don't really care about what I'm saying most of the time.