Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 144
Marriage itself is an antiquated institution, it has no place in a progressive society.
Larry the Cable Guy has signed a deal with Cracker Barrel. Not the store. He signed a deal with a barrel full of angry rednecks.
The first time I tried to put a new diaper on my baby, I yanked the little Velcro strap too jerkily and actually punched the little guy in the jaw. A real solid shot, too. I knew instinctively that this could not be correct. Unless you're specifically trying to raise a welterweight, continual deliverance of powerful uppercuts is not advised when handling newborns.
You want to know how I think art should be taught to children? Take them to a museum and say, "This is art, and you can't do it."
Do you know what White House correspondents call actors who pose as reporters? Anchors.
I think we have to help the helpless. The clueless? I don't give a rat's ass about the clueless.
Fame has sent a number of celebrities off the deep end, and in the case of Michael Jackson, to the kiddy pool.
I don't mean to be a racist but if you're going to get raped by a Japanese guy, it's not going to hurt at all.
The problem with the Tea Party is they're all ignorant hillbillies who drink moonshine and ride around on mules. And they believe in stereotypes too.
You might be a redneck if you take a fishing pole to Sea World.