Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 143
You might be a redneck if you take a fishing pole to Sea World.
There's this billboard in my neighborhood, and it says, 'Don't leave a baby anywhere,' which is true. I imagine the first rule of baby is to not leave it in the street. Don't even leave it with a knife or a sword - even Excalibur.
I feel like soundtrack music is almost like seeing the movie again, but with my ears.
There are Russian spies here now. And if we're lucky, they'll steal some of our secrets and they'll be two years behind.
Republicans have nothing but bad ideas and Democrats have no ideas.
One of the best things I found out about Detroit is that bears have started returning to the city. When bears are gentrifying your neighborhood and opening Thai restaurants, that's a poor neighborhood.
All men hear is blah, blah, blah, blah, SEX, blah, blah, blah, FOOD, blah, blah, blah, BEER.
Why not? Life is short, life is dull, life is full of pain - and this is a chance for something special.
If the Cincinnati Reds were really the first major league baseball team, who did they play?
How exactly do they prove that you've been masturbating? Do they dust for prints?
Women are the most powerful magnet in the universe; all men are cheap metal.