Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 184
Being a lawyer in New York sucks because you're working eighty, sometimes a hundred hours a week.
We said to them to take all of the students who are troubled students and work with them. They're not bad. They're troubled because they don't have what you had and what I had growing up. It was tough, and it's still tough, but Jodi and her staff are making it work. These are the kids that would have been out on the street robbing and stealing.
The ancient Greeks were the first ones to say an unexamined life is not worth living. They don't tell you of course what we found out, an examined life not that fascinating either.
Who got the part? Chris Tucker? Shit! Who got the other part? Tell me man. Jackie Chan? That mother fucker can't even speak English!
I like to go to art museums and name the untitled paintings... Boy With Pail... Kitten On Fire.
I don't think the problem is telling people you're on a diet. The problem is eating ice cream for breakfast.
I’m as bouge as the next person. My mother was a waitress and my father was a bartender. People think I went to Yale and shit, because I have a vocabulary and I wear a suit. I wear a suit because I aspire to wear a fuckin’ suit. I didn’t work my whole fuckin’ life to wear a Hello Kitty fuckin’ wifebeater up here.
Why doesn't the fattest man in the world become a hockey goalie?
Chili represents your three stages of matter: solid, liquid, and eventually gas.
I don't think it's any secret. We can't continue to do business as we're currently doing it.
The New York Times - but the whole country gives it that weight. It's like the Asian kid in math class. Everybody in the media cheats off The New York Times.
Apple released the upgraded version of the iPhone 4, called the iPhone 4S. I think the "S" stands for "suckers."
A friend of mine gave me a Philip Glass record. I listened to it for five hours before I realized it had a scratch on it.