Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 198
If you’re reading it in a book, folks, it ain’t self-help. It’s help.
I don't know what it's like in the U.S. but immigrants in the U.K. do the jobs the citizens won't do.
I didn’t think I was older until I went into an Abercrombie & Fitch and they looked at me like I was walking through a playground with my cock in my hand.
I recently had double-bypass surgery. As they wheel you in, the doctor always gives you a last look. You know that look. That look of confidence to make you feel good. I always say to every doctor, "If I don't make it, I'll never know it."
Munch is the guy who says what a lot of people wouldn't dare say.
Men can’t buy makeup. So they have to buy something else. It’s called a Porsche.
I'm happy with how the day has gone and we've made positive steps forward each time I've gone out. My lap times have also been good and consistent from the outset, so it's good to be on the pace and feeling back at full health and fitness to really "ride" the bike.
Stand up straight. If you stand up straight, you will instantly feel better about yourself, and you will project a better image to the world, one that says you don't feel like you have to be hunched over and closed off.
My neighbor, she invited me to an Elvis party. I told her I couldn't come 'cause I'd be too busy making fun of her from behind my blinds.
Blacks can get into medical school with a lower grade. If that's true, a Jew should be able to play basketball with a lower net.
The talent for being happy is appreciating and liking what you have, instead of what you don't have.
We need to try to work out something so folks can be there. We're going to try to find some solution so we don't have to keep repeating ourselves during the regular meeting. I think it is a board issue, but we're just going to try to make some suggestions. We would be open to doing the meetings at a different time.