Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 291
My feeling is, we ran from animals for three million years. It’s our time now. If a cow could eat you, it would. And it wouldn’t care how comfortable your truck ride over was, either.
This town has lost a lot of business. I've had a lot of people tell me they`re tired of driving to Bonner Springs.
I grew up in a poor family. I had to cut everyone's hair, because we didn't have money for entertainment.
The first time I had sex, I didn't know what I was doing. It was a relief when the whole thing was over after just 45 minutes.
Listening to your tape, I was reminded of this poem. It has the central question: Is it harder to count on someone or to know that you're being the one counted upon? Anyway, there's this part that goes: if equal affection cannot be, then let the more loving one be me. Have you ever read that one? It's one of my favorites.
It means everything. You don't want to go through your four years of high school with a certain team beating you four years in a row. You always want to show them you can come out on top in the end.
I was sitting on a plane that is traveling towards Seattle. And the guy next to me turns and says to me "Hey, you going to Seattle?". "Nope, San Francisco... I'll be parachuting off in about an hour." Here's your sign!
Marriage is an investment which pays dividends if you pay interest.
Aristotle said, "Love is composed of a single soul inhabiting two bodies." Isn't that a three-way?
Kissing is like drinking tea with a tea strainer, you can never get enough.
That's the beauty of our show. Comedy or politics. We're sort of a mix. A space age polymer of both. A synthetic comedy-like material.