Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 292
Just me onstage with a mike having an intimate relationship with the audience. I don't get nervous for that. I just get excited.
The reality is I'm not this person with this driving 'get it done' attitude.
My sex life is so bad, my G-spot has been declared a historical landmark.
I have found that - just as in real life - imagination sometimes has to stand in for experience.
My Elizabeth was as pure as the driven snow; and I am the only driver she ever had!
People like crowds. The bigger the crowd, the more people show up. Small crowd, hardly anybody shows up.
I think it’s creepy if a guy says, "I would never hit a girl." Cause that should go without saying. That’s like if you ever heard a guy go, "I would never crap in a hot tub."
By now you’ve heard the constant right wing attacks on the elite media and the liberal elite, who may or may not be part of Washington elite, a subset of the East Coast elite, which is overtly influenced by the Hollywood elite. So, basically, unless you’re a shit-kicker from Kansas, you’re with the terrorists.
Because criminals know that when they see a house with 2 foot tall grass, a dog on a chain, and an engine hanging from a tree, a gun lives in that house. And if you want to know what kind, just break in at 2 in the morning.
In the distance, Bo saw a fairy. A fairy so beautiful that he felt proud of being called one in high school.
Without Brett Favre, they wouldn’t have Brett Favre, and that’s what that’s all about.