Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 355
You know, a lot of people think that just cause you work out, lift weights, eat right, and do what people tell you to do that you'll live a long live, maybe you will; but, why do people measure life by the years instead about how good the years were.
That's a good time to sneak, four in the morning, 'cause anyone you run into, they're sneaking too.
A self-taught man usually has a poor teacher and a worse student.
The only way I'll ever get hurt in the casino is if there's an earthquake and a slot machine falls on my foot.
If I'm really considering doing film from now on then that is the smart thing to do, or you can go either way. You can just do the same character over and over again and make a different comedy like over and over again.
When people say "it's always the last place you look". Of course it is. Why would you keep looking after you've found it?
Imagine going in knowing that no Mexican American before you had ever succeeded in a lead role.
My father? A hard drinking man from the 70's. We actually have no pictures of my dad where he is not holding a beer. Weddings, Funerals, Water Skiing, Parent-Teacher Conference. When I got sick around him as a kid growing up, he'd always warm me up a shot of 100 proof whiskey. Never got sick... that I can remember.
The circus goes from town to town, so why run away to join it? It should be, "I've decided to wait for the circus to come."
Even if you didn't see the movie, you'd see two words you'd never seen put together before - comedy and Muslim. Comedy is friendly - it's the least offensive word in our language.
Comedy is the art of making people laugh without making them puke.
You can accept that things are awful and still have a sense of humor about it.
Being a Jewish comic today is a lot different than it was years ago. In fact I changed my name from Dudy to David when I first started to make my name less ethnic. Years later, agents urged me to change my name to something shorter and less Jewish and I told them I had already done that.