Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 386
Why go to France when you can smell the same people in coffee shops here in America.
Democracy is the eagle on the back of a dollar bill, with 13 arrows in one claw, 13 leaves on a branch, 13 tail feathers, and 13 stars over its head - this signifies that when the white man came to this country, it was bad luck for the Indians, bad luck for the trees, bad luck for the wildlife, and lights out for the American eagle.
American sex shops are the most bizarre. They sell these inflatable dolls, but they also sell just the head - supposedly for people to drive along the highway with.
My girlfriend wants to get married. I tell you - I hope she meets somebody nice.
I think pornography is the only art form where you can be videotaped on a shaky handy cam sucking off a horse and be considered a star.
Look at the insane things the Jews believe. The Jews believe that Barbra Streisand is worth $1,000 bucks a ticket.
With my old man I got no respect. When he told me I should start at the bottom. He was teaching me how to swim.
If you read angry political blogs, substitute "Obama" with "my daddy" and you'll usually learn a lot about the author.
If people would just fuck right away and stop all the song and dance that goes with it, we could have colonies on Mars by now.
I had one girlfriend, she had one of them "recto-mies." You know, that's where they scoop the pussy out and leave the box it came in. We got along just fine. She didn't want nothin' from me, and I sure didn't want nothin' from her.
Shut up before I drop yo ass off at Koreatown. Now hold on, America, don't start writing no letters. I'm just kidding. But am I lying?
They should just call it The Bad News. The bloodiest, most disgusting things that happened today packed into a half an hour, right before you go to bed. You thought you were scared before...