Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 446
People ask me all the time, all the time, they say the same exact thing. They say, "Bo, you’re an artist… how do we fix Africa?"
It is with great sadness and a heavy heart that have to announce that I ate kale and liked it.
Normal is getting dressed in clothes that you buy for work and driving through traffic in a car that you are still paying for - in order to get to the job you need to pay for the clothes and the car, and the house you leave vacant all day so you can afford to live in it.
Just for being a religion at all you're as complicit as the rest in the retardation of the human intellectual progress.
My roommate in LA used to punch his girlfriend in the stomach. I could never believe what a bitch she was.
Yeah, I read history. But it doesn't make you nice. Hitler read history, too.
Just because I'm married to Doug doesn't mean I can't be here for you.
My dogs love me. Of course, by "love" I mean "poop" and by "me" I mean "everywhere".
We live in a country where Rosa Parks had the courage and conviction to sit down long enough to start a revolution that lead to Al Sharpton screaming racism every time Barry Bonds gets indicted for taking performance enhancing drugs in order to break a home run record set by a black man who didn't even have the benefit of Advil.
Happy Valentine's Day! And if this is news to you, my guess is you're probably alone. Valentine's Day is often times a, well, it's a manufactured day that really doesn't mean anything.
Some people are just really goofy kind of guitar acts, and they go out and do these colleges and start making a fortune pretty early on. And other people - I know guys who are great comics, who've done the Letterman show many times, who still barely pay their bills.
With my old man I got no respect. When he took me hunting he gave me a three minute head start. Then on the way home he tied me to the fender and put the deer in the car.
I have an obsession with books about kids with Asperger's syndrome.