Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 508
In the last three years of racing I've met as many women fans as men fans, and in NASCAR it's the same thing. My wife loves cars, but the difference is she doesn't have 20 years of understanding the background of them. She basically drives them and uses her gut feelings as to which is best.
How can you do the moonwalk and ask a woman to dance? "Hey baby lets dance... cya later!"
We are not warriors in anyone's army. And that is not trying to be self-deprecating. I'm proud of what we do. I really like these two shows. I like making 'em. I like watching them. I'm really proud of them. But I understand their place. I don't view us as people who lead social movements.
Oh, get the fuck outta here! Just 'cause I'm a convict, every thin' that comes outta my mouth is a god damn lie?
Hey! Leave the door open will ya? The flies haven’t been out all day.
Instead of school busing and prayer in schools, which are both controversial, why not a joint solution? Prayer in buses. Just drive these kids around all day and let them pray their fuckng empty little heads off.
Don't boo people! Don't boo! Be more specific! Like, "WHY ARE YOU DOING THAT?! I HATE THAT! I HATE IT!"
I had a date with an inflatable girl. Now I got an inflatable guy looking for me.
I gambled at the crap table all night and finally lost $8, but during that time the house gave me four drinks and two cigars, so it was still a lot cheaper than renting a room.
On many young actors that don't give their parents proper credit: I'm still waiting for some actor to win, say, an Oscar... and deliver the following acceptance speech: I would like to thank my parents, first of all, for letting me live.
Nothing good about the sun if you're trying to watch television with out curtains.
There comes a point where the disappointments in your life accrue faster than you can find external forces to blame them on.
When on guy sees an invisible man he's a nut case. Ten people see him it's a cult. Ten million people see him it's a respected religion.