Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 509
Because I am afraid of commitment. This movie certainly has some bearing and is some reflection of my real feeling about relationships, because I do have commitment issues. My friends tell me I have intimacy problems, but they don't know me, so who cares what they think?
If somebody pisses me off and I understand it ain't personal then I'll go to another place and I'll meditate.
It's always fun to be able to have a voice, because it helps me to stay in tune with the project and the people that I am working with. Ther's nothing worse than being on a project and not being able to have a voice. I don't like that.
The world's a mean place. It's unfair, then it's fair. It's hateful, then it's loving. It's a very peculiar place on philosophical and metaphysical and religious levels.
My mom said the only reason men are alive is for lawn care and vehicle maintenance.
My parents got divorced. Early and ugly. My mum was nuts so I lived with my dad. We used to play a father/son games. Pin the blame on me, rock, paper, get me another beer, casino night.
I never minded George Steinbrenner spending obscene amounts of money to put the best product on the field.
Well, the way things are going, aside from wheat and auto parts, America's biggest export is now the Oscar.
Ain't no black people don't fuck with no bombs. We don't fit that profile. 'Cause you've got to be on time with a bomb.
You know George W. Bush is a war-time president, he says – proudly. Guess what. War is failure! When you are at war, you have failed! When you have gone to a war of choice and lied about it, you're a double-triple, triple-quadruple failure! Or a warlord. It's called a warlord in other countries. A war time president here. One man's ceiling I guess is another man's floor. George Bush is a warlord. He's a failure!
I am single, I don't drink. It's kind of hard to get a woman buzzed when you don't drink. You'll be like, "yeah, I'll have a glass of water, you want a shot of Jäger? You want eight of 'em?"
You can't make money on Broadway. You make nothing. You maybe make like $1,350 a week after you pay out all the producers.
Now we have hands-free phones, so you can focus on the thing you're really supposed to be doing ... chances are, if you need both of your hands to do something, your brain should be in on it too.