Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 528
I was not influenced by Jack Benny, and people have remarked on my timing and Jack's timing, but I don't think you can teach timing. It's something you hear in your head.
I was watching Maury Povich the other day. He had these people on who say that they've had near death experiences. Do you ever notice they always say the same thing? 'I remember seeing this really bright, white light.' It's like, of course, you pinhead, it's the paramedic looking in your pupils with a penlight.
The odd thing about comedy is that the more personal you are, the larger the audience.
Look at this way: if we all ate one person, the problem would be halved over-night. Think about it: I could eat someone you don't like, you could eat someone I don't like... where's the fucking damage?
Girls mature faster than boys. Yeah, a chick came up with that.
But this phenomenal thing happens - even though you are the same guy with the same script - when you have a producer attached.
Evaluate every performance on: stage presence, concentration, delivery, material and lessons learned.
Once you succeed at something it’s hard to keep it fresh and exciting so you have to keep challenging yourself. You have to be a moving target or it won’t work.
And in that time, I lost my dad and had kids of my own. It was like, OK, I get it now. I know what fatherhood is all about. And you look at your parents differently.
Never ever discount the idea of marriage. Sure, someone might tell you that marriage is just a piece of paper. Well, so is money, and what's more life-affirming than cold, hard cash?
The first real thought that I had of something that I might do was to write for car magazines, because I always had a car thing.
All of your life you were crazy about cars, I guess that's why you turned out to be such a crank.