Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 528
I love the movies, I don't even call them the movies, I call them cinematic adventures.
The odd thing about comedy is that the more personal you are, the larger the audience.
But this phenomenal thing happens - even though you are the same guy with the same script - when you have a producer attached.
I rented a movie and I put it in the DVD player and before the movie starts, it says, “this film has been modified to fit your television.” Can you imagine if it wasn’t? All you’d see is like a knuckle.
CNN has a thing called You Choose the News. Y’know what CNN? I’m turning you on because I don’t know the news. I was hoping you could help me.
Sometimes you get the sense that the Creator is getting to that point of "Yeah, we might have to reboot."
The thing I love about Vegas is that it's a melting pot. It's like working Ellis Island.
"Yo, yo, hear me out" is rarely ever followed by a reasonable, well articulated argument.
The great thing about having a small family is that there are fewer people to disappoint.
Normal people, want to be accepted. Screwed up people do too. Oh, we made the cover. But any press is good press. Right ? As long as they spell your name right. So now the whole world is gonna read about... Tatus High Performance. Tatus. Great.
Getting plastic surgery in your late 70's, it's kind of like painting your house as the fire approaches. Just die, there's no shame in it.
I was doing gigs to stay alive. I worked two or three jobs at a time, there were times when I stayed up for 36 hours straight. I slept in shopping mall parking lots. A stand-up gig paid $35; then I could eat for another few days until the next gig. Literally, I was performing to live.