Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 535
I thought those two guys really vibed on each other. They seem to have a very respectful relationship. It felt really sincere. "I respect you, you respect me." And I'm not usually a big fan of sincerity.
Don't tell your kids you had an easy birth or they won't respect you. For years I used to wake up my daughter and say, 'Melissa you ripped me to shreds. Now go back to sleep.'
It said, 'War Is Not the Answer.' I disagree. I think war absolutely is the answer. And if you don't agree with me, happy Fourth of July.
One good reason to only maintain a small circle of friends is that three out of four murders are committed by people who know the victim.
Speaking of Quarterback nicknames, you hear they’re calling Jay Cutler 50 cent? Because you only get two quarters out of him.
Fish don't blink. Which is the main eye defence. If you're ever trying to get the eye out of a fish and it blinks... it may be a lion.
Next in importance to having a good aim is to recognize when to pull the trigger.
To be successful in life, there are many hurdles you have to get over. For me, the biggest hurdle to success has always been failure. But, growing up, my Dad was always positive... that I'd never amount to anything.
Now don't get me wrong, I love animals, but I like eatin' 'em more... fun to pet, better to chew.