Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 539
There isn't any "New Man". The New Man is the old man, only he whines more.
?I don’t think Al Sharpton will be president of anything, except for The Association of Greasy Mother Fuckers. Zing, Al Sharpton. Don’t fuck with me.
It’s an amazingly consistent thing with Irish people. We will talk to strangers at parties for hours. It’s what we were bred to do I think. And the Jewish people were bred to write the stuff that we say.
Some women were talking about how I put out. And that's just not that case. I don't put out -- unless I'm asked very, very politely, and that's not putting out, that's just giving in.
It's amazing that the amount of news that happens in the world every day always just exactly fits the newspaper.
Don’t blame your failure on haters. If everyone thinks you suck, they’re not haters. They’re right.
One of the most beautiful things in the world I've ever seen or heard is people laughing, even when there seems to be so little reason for them to laugh.
How far can we go? How much can we absorb and still have some peace of mind?
Here's something else to think about: calling when you say you're going to is the very first brick in the house you are building of love and trust. If he can't lay this one stupid brick down, you ain't never gonna have a house baby, and it's cold outside.
I'm convinced that Sanford and Son shows middle-class America a lot of what they need to know.
What an orchestra! They just sit there, but their minds are thousands of miles away with their bookies.