Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 540
The judge asked, "What do you plead?" I said, "Insanity, your honour, who in their right mind would park in the passing lane?"
Evaluate every performance on: stage presence, concentration, delivery, material and lessons learned.
Just think, if it weren't for marriage, men would go through life thinking they had no faults at all.
"I like it when the waiter asks you if you want Parmesan cheese on your dinner, yeah, give me essence of puke all over me tea!"
All the evidence we need that God is angry with us is Justin Timberlake’s career.
Does fashion matter? Always - though not quite as much after death.
I tend to avoid televisions, politics, and places with velvet ropes.
I bought my brother some gift-wrap for Christmas. I took it to the gift wrap department and told them to wrap it, but in a different print so he would know when to stop unwrapping.
Sometimes people think you’re smart if you question the status quo, if nothing else.
When a black person has no electricity, no water, they call it the ghetto. When white people have no electricity and no water, they call it camping.
I just knew it was time to leave that thing where it was. Even though I still occasionally think about it, I still think I did it the right way. It was the correct type of ending. By which I mean it came a little sooner than people were expecting...was such a wonderful experience for me. It wasn't even the thing I thought I was going to have a talent for. I just fell in with the perfect group of people and everything about it was sort of miraculous.