Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 553
I thought those two guys really vibed on each other. They seem to have a very respectful relationship. It felt really sincere. "I respect you, you respect me." And I'm not usually a big fan of sincerity.
There should be no such thing as a vice law. Every vice is only a bad habit, and the punishment is inherent in the act.
Whenever another Latino tells me they're more Mexican than me I stop working and let them do the work for me.
There were very few women comics when I started out doing stand-up. But I always saw that as a great advantage.
My father was a really funny guy. He lived a good long life. And he was the reason I wanted to be funny and become a comedian and a comedy writer, so to say that he's somewhat of a mythic figure in my life would be an understatement.
My obstetrician was so dumb that when I gave birth he forgot to cut the cord. For a year that kid followed me everywhere. It was like having a dog on a leash.
I mean, I'm not hoping for the apes and the monolith. I'm hoping for controlled chaos to assist us.
Christmas seems to start earlier and earlier every year. Like, this time, it's on December 25th.
With Saturday Night Live you're looking for any hook, any way to stay on the show.
There are battered husbands. Apparently this happens when the woman is real big, the man is very small, and they each drink a quart of whiskey a day.
When you take risks you learn that there will be times when you succeed and there will be times when you fail, and both are equally important.
Coffee doesn't need a menu, it needs a cup! That's all it needs! Maybe a saucer underneath the cup - that's it!
I know De Niro, you know, it's all famous that he packed on 60 pounds for Raging Bull, but ah, he just did it for one movie, I do that for every movie.
If I want to act relaxed, it’s going to take all my cunning, skill and concentration.