Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 554
I don't know why men are so fascinated with television and I think it has something to do with - if I may judge from my own father, who used to sit and stare at the TV while my mother was speaking to him - I think that's a man's way of tuning out.
My grandma says she has eyes in the back of her head... I hope it's not hereditary.
Well u tell cancer I said I'ma shoot him twice me, by myself, all day, everyday, wakeup, go back to sleep, you wanna go night night nigga? everybody go night night everybody go night night
Harpo Marx, who once said, " ." And those words are as true today as when he first didn't speak them. Never got a dinner!
I recently went to the hardware store and I bought some used paint... it was in a shape of a house.
There's one of those adverts that sort of says 'There are more germs on your chopping board than on your loo seat.' To which the answer is, 'well clearly that's fine, then.'
The judge asked, "What do you plead?" I said, "Insanity, your honour, who in their right mind would park in the passing lane?"
You don't just get a computer to get online. You gotta get other stuff. You better get a modem, or you're not getting on anything. You gotta get a monitor, that's what I found out. You gotta get a mouse. You gotta get a mouse pad. You gotta get a sperm guard for your keyboard.
Just think, if it weren't for marriage, men would go through life thinking they had no faults at all.
She goes, 'You just took me bowling to impress me.' 'Well, yes. Another strike for me. Are you ready for my seed yet, or should I move on to juggling?'
Well, there's no credible link between Iraq and al Qaeda. There's no credible link between Iraq and 9/11.