Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 552
She goes, 'You just took me bowling to impress me.' 'Well, yes. Another strike for me. Are you ready for my seed yet, or should I move on to juggling?'
I'm street smart. You can't con me. But that's just from living in New York. Now if a guy came from Mississippi somewhere, Ohio somewhere, to New York City for the first time, he don't have the street smarts. You can take him.
Yes, I'm religious. God has shown me things, made certain ways clear to me.
Childbirth is no more a miracle then eating food and a turd coming out of your ass.
I realize that I am not a journalist. So anything I say is not important.
Every time you see a black romance it's over-the-top. There always has to be extreme hostility between the sexes. He has to cheat. She has to show him how independently strong she is, not just as a woman but as a black woman.
I was in front of an ambulance the other day, and I noticed that the word "ambulance" was spelled in reverse print on the hood of the ambulance. And I thought, "Well, isn't that clever." I look in the rear-view mirror; I can read the word "ambulance" behind me. Of course while you're reading, you don't see where you're going, you crash. You need an ambulance. I think they're trying to drum up some business on the way back from lunch.
I got myself good this morning too. I did my pushups in the nude; I didn't see the mouse trap.
I just feel like history is very much alive and important and I don’t, you know, I can’t worry about whether people get it or not, per se.
Like with Parks and Recreation, it's so much fun because the people writing it are funny and they're open and you just go in there and have a good time. It's pretty much the easiest job I've ever had.
I have a few cavities. I don't like to call them cavities. I like to call them "places to put stuff." Do you know where I can store a pea? Yes, I have some locations available.