Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 555
Avoid people who say they know the answer. Keep the company of people who are trying to understand the question.
In our day we went from - we went into saloons. We couldn't cross over like you can today, get a television series and all of a sudden you're a major movie star, you know.
Arlene and I have to get a divorce. She thinks I'm a pervert because I drank our water bed.
My beautiful rescue dog, Bella Luna Lewis, has decided to put me up for adoption.
They should raise the alcohol age to 60, so at least you'd have something to look forward to at this point.
I believe in the institution of marriage, and I intend to keep trying till I get it right.
Seriously, I don't need a gun. I'm easily annoyed. I would shoot people in my house that I invited over.
A new survey shows that married women are having 40 percent more extramarital sex than 20 years ago. Scientists say that number drops significantly when they subtract your mom.
I dream of starting a three-man country trio called the Chixie Dicks.
I have a very silly sense of humor. I've never laughed harder in my entire life than seeing someone with toilet paper stuck on the bottom of their shoe.
"According to Life & Style Weekly, 50 Cent may be working on Lindsay Lohan’s next album. Finally, a match made in rap heaven. He’s a convicted drug dealer who’s been shot nine times, and she spent 84 minutes in prison. This is a big step for Lindsay. The last time Lindsay got near a black guy she ran over his foot.
I never wanted to lose out on an acting job and wonder if I hadn't been trained enough.