Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 630
Between New York and LA, there's 200 million people that aren't hip, and they don't want to be hip.
But then the Roman Empire fell like this- "oh shit". And we went into what the historians called the Stupid Fucker period. Where everyone was going -"er, I dunno. Is that a Roman road? Can we eat it?" Then there was the dark Ages. " I can't even see you! Where are you?"
Love is like pancreatitis; it starts off slow, then builds in intensity until you become consumed and develop violent cramps.
In show business, it takes 10 years to create an overnight success. You've heard that, right? But what you don't hear is that that's the exact same amount of time it takes to create a bitter failure.
I read comic books but I don’t believe in them. Like if somebody said to me, “Hey Myq, who would win in a fight, Thor or Superman?” I’d say, “I don’t know who would would win that fight my friendless friend. But I do know who would win in a fight between you and anyone you went to high school with.”
I'm interested in doing everything and anything that I can to squeeze that creativity out of my brain. I guess I'm sort of a performance rat.
I just staunchly bought one frame during a two-for-one frame sale and barely left the store alive.
I need money. I have a staff of 30, and four houses, never mind the government, to support.
I've always been really dark, and drawn to darker humor. Nothing has been forced, and I don't say anything for shock value.
You know you're an alcoholic when the bartender knows your name... and you've never been to that bar before.
Did you ever notice how short the interval is between "I can't wait for summer" and "Fuck this shit"?
Can you remember when you didn't want to sleep? Isn't it inconceivable? I guess the definition of adulthood is that you want to sleep.