Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 629
Women should put a picture of their missing husbands on beer cans.
You must study their deliveries, their use of their bodies, their timing, and their use of audio and vocal effects.
No, I guess this is a pretty funny story. One that I’ll never ever tell anyone because of my deep and burning shame.
'Several NFL players said they would support a team mate that came out as gay...' Yeah, why wouldn't you?!
I’m in a whole different part of show business. I’m not even part of Shakespeare in Love.
When you are waiting for the bus and someone asks, "Has the bus come yet?". If the bus came would I be standing here, Knobhead?
Someone once asked me if my dream was to live on in the hearts of my people, and I said I would like to live on in my apartment.
I went to Missouri. I got a speeding ticket for $130. That’s a bunch of crap. Rent’s not $130 in Missouri…
When maintaining a relationship means diminishing your self, it's time to walk.
People come to this country from all over the world to pursue their dreams of driving a taxi or selling hot dogs or working in a sweatshop.
If churches want to play the game of politics, let them pay admission like everyone else.
A committee is a group of the unprepared, appointed by the unwilling to do the unnecessary.
I got off the plane - I was walking and cooking at the same time.