Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 709
Nothing makes you feel better inside, male or female, than when someone who shouldn't have fucked you, did.
The soldiers kill suicide bombers. Think about that. When a guys whole thing in life is to kill himself and you get there first... you are halling ass my friends.
I'll put an emoticon at the beginning of a text because I don't give a fuck.
I'm funnier now because I'm braver and less full of hate, so everything is even more ridiculous than it was before.
Whenever I go out with other married couples, I like to bring along a single crackhead. Just to spice things up.
Clint Eastwood doesn't moisturize! But Clint Eastwood needs to moisturize!
I just think it's difficult for them to see the forest for the trees right now, which I can't blame them for, given the circumstances they found themselves in.
You know you're getting old when you stoop to tie your shoelaces and wonder what else you could do while you're down there.
In my family, goodness is just badness before its had something to drink.
Perhaps I'm being too optimistic, but I think this country is finally ready for a black serial killer.
There's nothing better than a fight, especially when you're watching it from a safe place. You can yell encouragement! Hit him with the left, he's a big Jessie!
Oh man, the car could just burst into flames right now and this would be the way to go, huh guys?