Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 709
Maid Marion, who said to Robin Hood, "I will not live in a house with a Little John." Never got a dinner!
We need the children of Indonesia and the Philippines to manufacture our freedom of choice.
It's crazy because people expect you to be funny all the time and every day is not a funny day. I go to funerals and people are like 'tell a joke' and 'say one of your lines in a movie.' It's a funeral, man!
I believe in destiny. There must be a reason that I am as I am. There must be.
I don't understand what goes on some times, right, cuz here we are in this theater, we gettin along just fine. We go outside and the shit change.
Don't you want the guy who'll forget about all the other things in his life before he forgets about you?
My son asked for very little - a kickstand, with a motorcycle attached.
A girl in a bikini is like having a loaded pistol on your coffee table - There's nothing wrong with them, but it's hard to stop thinking about it.
Some people hate Jews. Fine, alright it's been done. I mean, that's part of my problem with it. Could you hate somebody new? I'm not giving you any suggestions but the Belgians have had a good run.
This man’s wife told him, “For Christmas, surprise me.” On Christmas Eve he leaned over where she was sleeping and said, “Boo!”
He's just always positive. He's always smiling and he's always trying.
I think capital punishment works great. Every killer you kill never kills again.
People are still willing to do an honest day's work. The trouble is they want a week's pay for it.