Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 718
Cheap liquor is a magic potion that can turn you into a puppet cowboy before it kills you.
I understood that as much as I had resisted the outside, as much as I had constricted my life, as much as I had closed and narrowed the channels into me, there were still many takers for the quiet heart.
You know the good part about all those executions in Texas? Fewer Texans.
My school colors were clear. We used to say, 'I'm not naked, I'm in the band.'
Ladies and Gentleman let's play America's fastest growing sensation "Will It Float?"
My first reviews came in. One said, "This so-called "comedian" should be told that jokes are supposed to have punch lines." Another said I represented "the most serious booking error in the history of Los Angeles music."
So that this thing that aired in 1963 would result a few years later in personal bankruptcy, would result in having people be on edge with me, wondering when I'm going to blow up.
Why would somebody worship the devil?... Has the devil paid off for anybody ever? What was the last award show you saw where somebody won and they came out and they’re like, “Thank you so much. This is amazing. I got a lot of people to thank. Well, I gotta start out by thanking the man downstairs.”
The new specialty at the Iowa fair this year is fried butter on a stick. Of course, if you’re like me and you want like to eat healthy, get your stick of butter baked.
The other day when I was walking through the woods, I saw a rabbit standing in front of a candle making shadows of people on a tree.