Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 766
In the late '60s and '70s, when feminism was on the up sweep, there was an awareness of things that we're losing again.
As far as I’m concerned, humans have not come up with a belief that’s worth believing.
Life can be really hard some times but its better than being a butterfly where you only live a month.
How complicated can ice cream flavors be? How much can you put in there? I mean, when the flavor's something like banana ice cream with caramel, fudge chunks, cheddar goldfish and pennies -- you've got to draw a line there.
I can tell you what the #4 thing I can’t talk about is. It’s the #4 thing.
I really shine in front of prominently Jewish crowds. Normally I really beat myself up, but as far as Jewish audiences go, I’m at the top of my game.
My mom is very religious, and she said, ‘Whatever you think about all the time, that’s what you worship.’ If that’s the case, I’d like everyone to pop open their Diet Coke cans and turn to page 37 of their People magazines.
I took my father on a coach trip last summer.We were halfway there when the driver lost control of the coach, it flew down a hill around a bend and crashed through a brick wall. I wasn’t hurt but luckily my father had the presence of mind to kick my head in.
Before the invention of the telephone, you had to lie to people to their face!
You were never there for me were you mother? You expected Mike and Carol Brady to raise me! I'm the bastard son of Claire Huxtable! I am a Lost Cunningham! I learned the facts of life from watching The Facts of Life! Oh God!