Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 765
How to drive a guy crazy: send him a telegram and on the top put 'page 2.'
I was out with a friend and he came over with a pair of girls. I said to him "They're like buses." He said "What? Because you wait for ages and then two come along at once." I said "No, they are like buses!"
I’ve never really thought of myself as depressed as much as paralyzed by hope.
It sure has been a pleasure for us to broadcast for the sailors and soldiers; besides, its part of the National Defence Program to prepare our boys for anything.
Designing is my hobby. If I didn't do what I do for a living - at some point when I don't do this for a living - I'll probably just do design work. I love finding really special pieces of furniture.
Marriage is give and take. You'd better give it to her or she'll take it anyway.
On Hulk Hogan: “You’re an old man who dresses like a Hooter’s waitress.”
The yearbook voted me most likely to be scraped off an onramp by a puking fireman.
I bought my daughter a Chihuahua and I fell in love with it. So now I carry Coco around with me all the time.
Let me make one thing perfectly clear to you: this is not writing. I have absolutely no idea how this sentence I’m currently saying is going to finish. When and if it does, I can only hope it makes some kind of coherent ceramic pineapple.
As a guy who grew up with Black people, I know the N-word is not specific to people. It’s a fucking noun. It is used for everything else but people. It’s not specific to black people. <br /> I see my friends. They’ll be like, “Yo Russell, I seen you with some Chinese n*ggers last night.”... <br /> My homeboy called me, was like, “Yo, you gotta put on Discovery Channel, son They got this shit on killer whales. Yo, those n*ggers are crazy!”
I think for one thing, kids are a lot smarter now then we ever were.