Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 767
On Hulk Hogan: “You’re an old man who dresses like a Hooter’s waitress.”
I remember when I was a little boy, I once stole a pornographic book that was printed in Braille. I used to rub the dirty parts.
You feel kind of weird cheering for chaos. There is that sense that the crazier it gets, the better off we are. Before, when I was part of the American public, I was hoping for a reasonable and quick solution to the impeachment process. Now, I'm hoping for partisan bedlam and chaos. It's really what serves me best.
At his wife's 60th birthday party in Jackson Hole, Wyoming, Dick Cheney had a huge steak and battered onion rings for dinner. Afterward he met with 100 donors, not campaign donors, heart donors.
I got involved with this pro-choice group. Their slogan is, “Raising kids is murder”.
I went into a shop and I said, "Can someone sell me a kettle." The bloke said "Kenwood" I said, "Where is he?"
Frank once slipped something into the pocket of a luggage handler at the airport and said: "Have a drink on me." The luggage handler later found out it was a tea bag.
You ever notice the first thing someone says when they can't find something is that it was stolen? They say "who stole it?!". It's an ego defense. They can't stand the fact that they might have been stupid enough to have lost something.