Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 862
You might be a redneck if you celebrate Groundhog Day because you believe in it.
I tried to believe that there is a God, who created each of us in His own image and likeness, loves us very much, and keeps a close eye on things. I really tried to believe that, but I gotta tell you, the longer you live, the more you look around, the more you realize, something is fucked up.
True beauty is not related to what color your hair is or what color your eyes are. True beauty is about who you are as a human being, your principles, your moral compass.
Disneyland celebrated its 40th anniversary by burying a time capsule. They say it will be dug up in 50 years - or when the last person in line at Space Mountain gets to the front, whichever comes first.
And the last place you wanna be, In a motherfuckin' foot race, is behind the mothafucka with no goddamn foots.
2+2=4. Damn straight. All the time, nigga all the time. Then one day this bitch just flipped the script. 3x+y=what? This bitch is still teaching. Did you know that some of them was letters?!!?
I found our cat the other day. I would have found him a week ago, but we have a grass bag on our lawnmower.
We don't read and write poetry because it's cute. We read and write poetry because we are members of the human race. And the human race is filled with passion. And medicine, law, business, engineering - these are noble pursuits and necessary to sustain life. But poetry, beauty, romance, love - these are what we stay alive for.
French troops arrived in Afghanistan last week, and not a minute too soon. The French are acting as advisers to the Taliban, to teach them how to surrender properly.
There have been two different drafts of the script. The hard part about following it up is at the end of the first one, he revealed his identity to his kids. How do you play that out? How does she come back? One of the ideas was that he'd go to New York because his daughter was going to college and he'd be nearby. But as a script, it never worked.