Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 898
I think it's easier for African American and white comics to be praised than it is Latinos because they think our culture or our humor is substandard. I mean, I just don't think they want to give us credit. I just don't think that they see us as important enough to be at their level. I'm the longest-produced comedy at Warner Bros. and I don't feel special. They come over and say hello. But everybody's gonna make a lot of money and I don't feel like I'm special to them.
In a study, scientists report that drinking beer can be good for the liver. I'm sorry, did I say "scientists"? I meant "Irish people."
My mother was taught by a nasty ventriloquist who lived nearby my childhood home to throw guilt without moving her conscience.
I love whenever they downgrade a hurricane to a tropical depression, because I always think of a tropical depression as how I feel three songs into a Jimmy Buffett concert.
Do things that make you happy within the confines of the legal system.
Man's inhumanity toward man is astounding, and I'm just talking about the lineup at certain comedy clubs.
Disneyland celebrated its 40th anniversary by burying a time capsule. They say it will be dug up in 50 years - or when the last person in line at Space Mountain gets to the front, whichever comes first.
As anyone who's ever adopted a dog will tell you, there's always the fear that one day the birth parents will come scratching at the door...
You might be a redneck if your favorite hunting dog has a bigger tombstone than your grandfather.
Today I dialed a wrong number... The other person said, "Hello?" and I said, "Hello, could I speak to Joey?"... They said, "Uh... I don't think so... he's only 2 months old." I said, "I'll wait."
During the cold war, West Berlin was an "exclave" - a tiny outpost of liberalism surrounded by people who want to crush it. It was like Austin, Texas.
The last time I saw African kids this excited, Madonna was at their school with a net.
Everyone should think for themselves. I learned that in a book I bought called 'Everyone Should Think For Themselves'.