Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 900
I call 'Community' the best day job in the world, because between takes, I get to write music. I get to write sketches. I get to write movies. It's the best job ever.
90% of every art form is garbage - dance and stand-up, painting and music. Focus on the 10% that's good, suck it up, and drive on.
I don't think more concentration is required for Robert De Niro to do what he does as for Jim Carrey to do what he does.
I would describe my spirituality as exactly the opposite of having a religious affiliation.
If I have to move up in a building, I choose the elevator over the escalator. Because one time I was riding the escalator and I tripped. I fell down the stairs for an hour and a half.
Popcorn is one of the only situations in which you eat the result of an explosion.
Love what you do. Get good at it. Competence is a rare commodity in this day and age. And let the chips fall where they may.
A Polish man had a bandage on each ear. What happened? "I was ironing, and the phone rang!" "What about the other ear?" "Had to call the doctor!"
I have some shorter stories coming out in other books early next year. I might be pitching a re-vamp of Ghost Rider in the spring. We'll see.
Wanting more. Having your cake or eating your cake are fine. Not even wanting cake is where you get fucked.
She said, "Spell 'ant' ", and I wrote out the entire alphabet. She said, "That doesn't spell 'ant' ", and I said, "It's in there somewhere! There's the A, there's the N, there's the T – the rest are silent!"
In Australia you can buy a cheese called ‘coon cheese’, did you hear what I said, ‘coon cheese’!!
Part of growing up is learning your strengths and weaknesses. What better way to figure out that hand-eye coordination ain't your thing than by getting drilled in the mouth by a red, rubber ball? You only gotta get beaned in the face so many times before you figure out, 'I better hit the books because this is not working out.'
What's the name of the birth defect you have, trampled by a horse during the 2nd trimester?