Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 900
I saw a charity appeal in the Guardian the other day, and it read "Little Zuki has to walk 13 miles a day just to fetch water". And I couldn't help thinking, she should move.
Text a guy you like right now, "I'm thinking about you." If he says, "mmm are you in bed?" Never speak to him again he's a lifelong moron.
War toys are scary. They have a rocket launcher with a bayonet attached, in case you miss.
They’re calling Hooters now a family restaurant. Isn’t that hilarious? Tits for the whole family!
Excuse me, officer, but would you mind bringing the wreckage a little closer this way? My wife can't see.
Every time you see him, you only make yourself vulnerable to further heartache. Do you really need further proof that he’s getting on with his life without you?
A new study shows that American students are becoming less proficient in science, and if the trend continues, we will become a nation that’s science and chemistry illiterate. And you thought a lot of meth labs are blowing up now?
Because when you say "shit", it makes them cry. "Why didn't he say 'poopie'? Why didn't he say 'poopie'?"
The Democratic Convention is $27 million in debt. They had to cancel the kick-off event at the Charlotte Motor Speedway. A speedway is the perfect place for the Democratic Convention. You go around in circles, turn left every few seconds, and you end up right where you started.
It’s too difficult to convey tone in electronic communication. And we can solve this my friends. All we need is some new fonts.
I was taken to the hospital for observation. I stayed several days, didn't observe anything, and I left.