Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 969
I wouldn't want to be someone's roommate, that's for sure. You can't do certain things: you can't leave the bathroom door open... you can't put your feet on the couch, you can't hide stuff in the couch.
I don't know what it is about accents that makes me want to get undressed and high-five myself.
'The ruckus' is different experiences you go through throughout your life which builds your ruckus points up - your tolerance. You've got to have a high tolerance for dealing with stuff all the time.
Christmases were terrible, not like nowadays when kids get everything. My sister got a miniature set of perfumes called ‘Ample’. It was tiny, but even I could see where my dad had scraped off the S.
She has learned that her body is precious and it mustn't be offered carelessly ever again, as it holds a direct connection to her heart.
This one kid said something that was really bad. He said I wasn't really black cause I had a dad.
The first person I learned I could make happy with laughter was my mother, whom I idolize. It was a powerful thing to realize. I knew I had found my life's work.
You know, the New Testament is pretty old. I think they should call them the Old Testament and the Most Recent Testament.
It's hard to really look at somebody and go: "Hey, maybe something nice will happen." You just don't - I know too much about life to have any optimism, because I know even if it's nice, it's going to lead to shit. I know that if you smile at somebody and they smile back, you've just decided that something shitty is going to happen.
I shouldn’t say bad stuff about illiterate people. I should write it.