Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 968
Dracula, who said while they drove a wooden stake into his heart, "Boy, I sure hope this is heartburn." Never got a dinner!
An evangelical minister has had to resign after pictures surfaced showing him in a hot tub with two women. He claimed it was just a baptism gone terribly wrong.
I was born at home on newspapers. I still have a story on my butt, although now the print is much larger.
Yes! Finally captured Martha Stewart. You know, with all the massive and almost completely unpunished fraud perpetrated on the American public by such companies as Enron, Global Crossing, Tyco and Adelphia, we finally got the ringleader. Maybe now we can lower the nation's terror alert to periwinkle.
I realized on our first wedding anniversary that our marriage was in trouble. Fang gave me luggage. It was packed.
I wouldn't want to be someone's roommate, that's for sure. You can't do certain things: you can't leave the bathroom door open... you can't put your feet on the couch, you can't hide stuff in the couch.
Michelangelo’s girlfriend, who said to Angelo, "Forget the paint – let’s put a mirror on the ceiling." Never got a dinner!
You might be a redneck if you're still scalping tickets after the concert is over.
Christmases were terrible, not like nowadays when kids get everything. My sister got a miniature set of perfumes called ‘Ample’. It was tiny, but even I could see where my dad had scraped off the S.