Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 974
I've never wanted an Oscar, although they are reassuring to an actor who doesn't know how really great he is.
I think my securities far outweigh my insecurities. I am not nearly as afraid of myself and my imagination as I used to be.
To the point where gender is no longer an issue; if you fuck the elephant man, no one is going to call you fag.
It takes time though for owners and trainers to invest that additional purse money to start cultivating that better racing product.
I would love to have the same rights as everybody else. I would love, I don't care if it's called marriage. I don't care if it's called, you know, domestic partnership. I don't care what it's called.
I'm as poor as a church mouse, that's just had an enormous tax bill on the very day his wife ran off with another mouse, taking all the cheese.
Why would anyone want to put a mosque at ground zero when we could put a Six Flags at ground zero?
Every Sunday my dad calls to ask if I went to church. And every Sunday I lie and say: "Sorry. Wrong Number."
It had that kind of open-ended fear to it - like that feeling you get when you're driving and you see a cop. And you're not speeding. You don't have drugs. But you're just thinking, I hope he doesn't notice I'm driving.
If your biggest tax deduction was bail money, you might be a redneck.
I lived to be on stage, and I'm terrified. Terrified before every show.
It's hard for anybody who's been with me not to feel starved for affection when I'm making love to my ideas. Maybe it's not meant for me to settle down and be married.
And then there was my mate who'd just been fitted with a brand new hearing aid. "It's the best in the world", he said. "What type is it?", I asked and he said "ten past twelve".