Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 978
I was the editor of the school newspaper and in drama club and choir, so I was not a popular girl in the traditional sense, but I think I was known for being relatively scathing.
Male comics are always coming up to me, and they’re like, ‘Hey, Natasha, don’t you think you’re a little attractive to be a comedian?’ And I’m like, ‘Don’t you think you’re a little ugly to be talking to me?’
Recently there has been a lot of controversy between the countries, and I would hope that now the two countries could put all that behind them and start to build on what really has been a great friendship.
If they make it illegal to wear the veil at work, bee keepers are going to be furious.
I tell you one thing that's great about children. They don't need a show to have fun. What do they need? A book of matches, some oily rags, a little brother… that's all they need.
Orville Wright, who said to his brother Will, "We're only in the air twelve seconds; how the hell did our luggage get to Cleveland?" Never got a dinner!
It was a job; the video show was a job; you don't tell the Aristocrats joke at 8 o'clock at night on network tv, it would be funny though. But those guys know I like dirty stuff, I like clean stuff too.
CNN said that after the war, there is a plan to divide Iraq into three parts: regular, premium and unleaded.
This girl asked me out one time. She told me she was an actress in porno movies. I’m like, “Alright, when do you want to go out?”<br /> She goes, “I’m working Tuesday and Wednesday. How about Thursday?”<br /> “Uh, how about Monday?”
I love blackjack. But I'm not addicted to gambling. I'm addicted to sitting in a semicircle.
I want them to know I don't think I'm wonderful, or better than they are. Part of comedy is saying: 'I am you and you are me, and we're all feeling the same thing.'