Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 981
You might be a redneck if you've ever stolen toilet paper from a public restroom.
... you've probably worked out by now that all our songs are ridiculously long to make up for the total lack of content.
The expression "working like a dog" dates back to a time in America when men would rise early, then lie around all day and lick their balls.
Do you think that during the Dust Bowl in the 1930's in the Midwest people thought "Wow, this must be global warming" or did they just think "Fuck, it hasn't rained in a while."
Is global warming new? I don't know. When I was young I remember the sun being hot.
I was doing an interview once, and this guy goes, “So you must be pretty psyched about all this ‘Slumdog Millionaire’ stuff?”
How do you lay low but still do your job? Try to stay out there without being out there like Jenny McCarthy?
She didn't love me that much, but she moved in with me. That's a plus. And then one night, I caught her making out with another dude on the driveway. That's a minus.
That's just something instinctual within men. We always feel like we've got to protect our stuff. Even if it's not worth protecting, we want to protect it. You ever seen people who have like a piece of crap Pinto with a Club on the steering wheel. Somebody breaks the window, steals the Club, leaves the Pinto in a pile of glass.
In these tough economic times, everybody has to cut back. I am down to three tabs of ecstasy a day.
Our natures are a lot like oil, mix us with anything else, and we strive to swim on top.
You know that if you leave your underwear on a plane, things did not go the way you intended.