Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 981
So I went in to a pet shop. I said, "Can I buy a goldfish?" The guy said, "Do you want an aquarium?" I said, "I don't care what star sign it is."
There's a fraudulent root element of comedy in that we say things night after night as though they are rolling effortlessly from the brain and off the tongue, when in fact they are crafted over weeks and months and years.
There's something spiritual in hard work. Spirituality isn't all aromatherapy and scented candles.
If I ever get the chance, I'd like to force a mailman to eat his own mail.
We are so excited about adding additional incentives to the program. It gives them a fun reason to exercise and learn about geography as well.
Black movies don't have real names, they have names like Barbershop. That's not a name, that's just a location.
According to a recent survey, men say the first thing they notice about women is their eyes. And women say the first thing they notice about men is they're a bunch of liars.
I went skiing today, too, yeah. I didn't wanna go. The girl I'm stalking wanted to go, so… I'm not kiddin!
Orville Wright, who said to his brother Will, "We're only in the air twelve seconds; how the hell did our luggage get to Cleveland?" Never got a dinner!