Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 980
I became a terrible drunk or alcoholic - or a good one depending on your point of view.
Last year I punched a shop assistant over the duvet tog-rating system and went berserk over a mince pie. I am stung by accusations that I over-react.
That place is so behind the times, you can't even get AIDS there yet.
I have that hypocrisy of a parent in that I'm like, 'Come on, you've got to toughen up at the same time let me take care of that for you.'
Love is like a lost fart… if you have to force it, then it’s probably shit.
I believe everything in life is energy. If we're destroying our trees and destroying our environment and hurting animals and hurting one another and all that stuff, there's got to be a very powerful energy to fight that. I think we need more love in the world. We need more kindness, more compassion, more joy, more laughter. I definitely want to contribute to that.
I've got a lot to say about television. There's a lot going on in television right now and I feel like a huge part of television.
That's an interesting accent you got there. Are you from stroke-victim?
As a child my parents said they believed in Santa Claus but that I didn't exist.
You think the President of the United States wants to fuck every woman he meets?.. Well, bad example.
You know you can't just run and shoot people in the knee-caps with double barreled shotgun 'cause you're pissed at them.
You know, folks, the French have always been reluctant to surrender to the wishes of their friends, and almost anticipatory in their urge to surrender to the wishes of their enemies.
Sometimes my pathology just spills out into the camera, doesn't it?