Quotes & Jokes by Albert Brooks

41 quotes

I've seen the future! It's a bald-headed man from New York!

I've always felt like I work in a small little area that doesn't represent anything like the rest of society.

Had an unexplained burst of happiness today. Doctor said not to worry it will go away.

I'm not a person who I ever thought would do well with divorce. Not that it can't happen. I just didn't want that. So I waited a long time to meet the right person. Then I finally met someone that I was willing to be divorced from.

I don't know that I can define fear. But one of the sources of fear is holding up some sort of model life that doesn't exist and feeling like you're far away from it.

I'd still like to see "Survivor" minus the planned show-biz parts. That would be the purest form of show business - I want to see someone so hungry that they eat somebody else's foot.

Starting to drink now in preparation for New Years. No more last minute stuff like Christmas.

There's nothing funny about flying to Houston.

Acceptance is going to a restaurant where the salad's not great, but the steak is fine.

Being a screenwriter in Hollywood is like being a eunuch at an orgy. Worse, actually, at least the eunuch is allowed to watch.

Relaxation is the absence of worry.

I got so good at writing to a budget, my brain was restricting myself. I'd write, "It's a stormy night." Then I'd cross out stormy. I'd write: "It's a calm night." Then I'd cross out night. It's noon. Because you know how much night costs. You know how much rain costs. Nothing comes free in movies.

When I die, if the word "thong" appears in the first or second sentence of my obituary, I've screwed up.

Art and resistance are great together. That's what art's made for. Look at Vincent van Gogh: He didn't cut off his ear because he was selling well.

You can equate acting to a tennis game: When you're playing one of the best, you get better.