Quotes & Jokes by Albert Brooks

41 quotes

I'm not a person who I ever thought would do well with divorce. Not that it can't happen. I just didn't want that. So I waited a long time to meet the right person. Then I finally met someone that I was willing to be divorced from.

Acceptance is going to a restaurant where the salad's not great, but the steak is fine.

Relaxation is the absence of worry.

There's nothing funny about flying to Houston.

My mother was supportive without knowing it. Deep down she wanted all the right things, she just didn't see the world like I did, and she's not supposed to.

Even if you didn't see the movie, you'd see two words you'd never seen put together before - comedy and Muslim. Comedy is friendly - it's the least offensive word in our language.

I've always felt like I work in a small little area that doesn't represent anything like the rest of society.

Starting to drink now in preparation for New Years. No more last minute stuff like Christmas.

Had an unexplained burst of happiness today. Doctor said not to worry it will go away.

You can equate acting to a tennis game: When you're playing one of the best, you get better.

When I die, if the word "thong" appears in the first or second sentence of my obituary, I've screwed up.

I've seen the future! It's a bald-headed man from New York!

The whole world is tense. Everybody gets the international news. There's been no American comedy at all that even remotely addresses the subject in any way. My goal isn't to solve the world's problems. My character wasn't even able to do his assignment. But the premise of wanting to find out about somebody - other than the stuff that the CIA will tell you - there's no hope unless we do that.

I don't want to get close to people who have secrets that I don't know about.

I got so good at writing to a budget, my brain was restricting myself. I'd write, "It's a stormy night." Then I'd cross out stormy. I'd write: "It's a calm night." Then I'd cross out night. It's noon. Because you know how much night costs. You know how much rain costs. Nothing comes free in movies.