Quotes & Jokes about Brain

58 quotes

There's this critical point where you've stayed single for too long and your brain switches from 'You know, maybe I shouldn't say that.' to 'Eh, fuck it, say it, see what happens.'

I don’t know how she did it, but Rachel got poison ivy on her brain. The only way she could scratch it was if she thought about sandpaper.

God gave men both a penis and a brain, but unfortunately not enough blood supply to run both at the same time.

My brain? That's my second favorite organ.

My grandmother’s brain was dead, but her heart was still beating; it was the first time we ever had a Democrat in the family.

The highway cop said, “Walk a straight line.” I said, “Well, Officer Pythagoras, the closest you could ever come to achieving a straight line would be making an electroencephalogram of your own brain waves.” He said, “You’re under arrest. You have the right to remain silent. Do you wish to retain that right?” I thought, “Oooh, a paradox!”

Sometimes a little brain damage can help.

Success is made up of courage, brains, and luck. Since the first two are a function of the third, it's pretty much all luck.

Brain damage and stupidity are very different things, but can have similar effects on the wearer.

I can hear the wheels grinding in your confrontational brains, 'If he loves movies, then why does he seem to hate every one that comes out?' Because most movies stink like 1929's garbage - a particularly bad year for garbage - that's why! If everything didn't suck, then I wouldn't hate everything. It's that simple.

I don’t get the point of drug commercials. Like the thing with the frying pan and the egg. “This is your brain. This is your brain on drugs. Any questions?” Yeah, do I get bacon with this?

I used to think that the brain was the most wonderful organ in my body. Then I realized who was telling me this.

Never let the brain idle. "An idle mind is the devil’s workshop." And the devil’s name is Alzheimer’s.

Ah, self-confidence. You fickle, fickle slut, you. Sometimes you’re there, other times you’re with some other jerk, nowhere to be found. The idea of self-confidence is irritating the way it’s usually presented, like it’s some tangible ‘thing’ you can just throw onto your brain like a jacket.

Who knew that the devil had a factory where he made millions of fossils, which his minions distributed throughout the earth, in order to confuse my tiny brain?