Quotes & Jokes about Brain

58 quotes

There's this critical point where you've stayed single for too long and your brain switches from 'You know, maybe I shouldn't say that.' to 'Eh, fuck it, say it, see what happens.'

My brain? That's my second favorite organ.

God gave men both a penis and a brain, but unfortunately not enough blood supply to run both at the same time.

I don’t know how she did it, but Rachel got poison ivy on her brain. The only way she could scratch it was if she thought about sandpaper.

Sometimes a little brain damage can help.

The highway cop said, “Walk a straight line.” I said, “Well, Officer Pythagoras, the closest you could ever come to achieving a straight line would be making an electroencephalogram of your own brain waves.” He said, “You’re under arrest. You have the right to remain silent. Do you wish to retain that right?” I thought, “Oooh, a paradox!”

My grandmother’s brain was dead, but her heart was still beating; it was the first time we ever had a Democrat in the family.

Never let the brain idle. "An idle mind is the devil’s workshop." And the devil’s name is Alzheimer’s.

Then the challenge is, once you left brain it and build it, then when you’re on stage you have to know it so well that you can get lost in it. I don’t want to be onstage looking like a robot, I want to be at the end of the day very emotional and what feels like someone being up there rather than reciting things. That’s always the challenge, to analyze and then somehow lose yourself in something you absolutely know backwards and forwards. And nothing’s going to surprise you, but you have to be surprised by it and let it surprise you.

It's like my brain and my penis are locked in a chess match, and I'm letting him win.

I used to think that the brain was the most wonderful organ in my body. Then I realized who was telling me this.

Success is made up of courage, brains, and luck. Since the first two are a function of the third, it's pretty much all luck.

There are certain parts of a classic nerd’s brain that can destroy that person - obsessing about things to the detriment of everything else in your life. But those are the same tools that you can use to turn everything around.

If I am ever brain dead, kill Titus. If I cannot control the fluids spewing out of my own orifices, please kill Titus. If I'm not aware enough to pick which diapers I would like to be changed into, for God's sake, kill Titus - unless I'm really funny.

Who knew that the devil had a factory where he made millions of fossils, which his minions distributed throughout the earth, in order to confuse my tiny brain?