Quotes & Jokes by Gabriel Iglesias / page 2


I found that laughter was a form of acceptance, and I really enjoyed that and I just - I crave it.

Home in bed listening to the rain getting ready to order a pizza. Sounds like a song til the last part.

Being on TV sucks. It's a lot of work. You memorize scripts and then you show up and they change everything. I'm a control freak. When I'm doing stand-up, I say what I want and then I get instant feedback.

Kids, man, they’re way too honest. They’re like mini-alcoholics.

You wonder why I only talk about my personal life. But that's all I've ever done.

I know what it's like to have a family and not have insurance and really need it. As a comic, insurance was one of those sacrifices I made early on until I could afford it.

My favorite people to have fun with are police officers 'cause they're so serious, you know.

I’m not fat. It’s just my awesomeness swelling up inside of me.

I usually travel with a posse. I roll deep. I travel like a rapper, but without the artillery. We don't carry guns, we carry cookies.

We can choose our family. We can’t choose our relatives.

The Ford Flex is a really, really cool car. You get inside and you have so much headroom and it's really comfortable to drive and it's real techy inside. You look at the screen and it's blue and you've got all kinds of controls. Everything is digital.

I keep it very family-friendly. Every now and then I’ll slip a little bit, but that’s just the way I perform.

"You've gotten fat!" "Well you're fat too!" "I know I'm fat! I was fat in high school! I kept my figure, why couldn't you?"

I'm all about showing people that I'm a little messed up, I have a lot of the same problems you have. By exposing myself and putting myself out there, people can relate to me and my act won't grow stale. I mean, nobody wants to hear a comedian say, 'Life is great.'

I had to travel half way across the world to be called an American.