Quotes & Jokes by Gabriel Iglesias / page 2


Home in bed listening to the rain getting ready to order a pizza. Sounds like a song til the last part.

Kids, man, they’re way too honest. They’re like mini-alcoholics.

My favorite people to have fun with are police officers 'cause they're so serious, you know.

I usually travel with a posse. I roll deep. I travel like a rapper, but without the artillery. We don't carry guns, we carry cookies.

I’m not fat. It’s just my awesomeness swelling up inside of me.

The Ford Flex is a really, really cool car. You get inside and you have so much headroom and it's really comfortable to drive and it's real techy inside. You look at the screen and it's blue and you've got all kinds of controls. Everything is digital.

I keep it very family-friendly. Every now and then I’ll slip a little bit, but that’s just the way I perform.

The worst thing I’m going to do is have dinner without you.

"You've gotten fat!" "Well you're fat too!" "I know I'm fat! I was fat in high school! I kept my figure, why couldn't you?"

You can't be bad ass in a car that kills gas like I kill tacos.

I'm all about showing people that I'm a little messed up, I have a lot of the same problems you have. By exposing myself and putting myself out there, people can relate to me and my act won't grow stale. I mean, nobody wants to hear a comedian say, 'Life is great.'

What’s the “I” stand for, “I need a bigger bed”?

Connecting with people is not hard. I love the interaction and the feedback after shows. It does take some time, but the fans appreciate it which makes it worth it.

You know, a lot of people think that just cause you work out, lift weights, eat right, and do what people tell you to do that you'll live a long live, maybe you will; but, why do people measure life by the years instead about how good the years were.

We can choose our family. We can’t choose our relatives.