Quotes & Jokes by Sandra Bernhard


That disturbs people when they know they didn't have the guts or integrity to stick to their dreams.

I'm the only actress in Hollywood who didn't pay to have these lips.

When you're constantly looking for things from other people, you're not looking within yourself.

Madonna's got one big choice. Take a couple of years off and become a human being.

If I've learned anything in my 30s, it's about holding back a little bit.

New York has always been a sense of eclectic kind of freedom and expression on a lot of different levels.

When you're collaborating with somebody who's got a lot of stuff they haven't worked out yet, you're working out their vision as well.

Of course, everybody's family is dysfunctional - we've accepted that. What are we supposed to do? Hate our parents for the rest of our lives?

I don't consider myself a comic but a performer. A comic tells bad jokes.

A remembrance can mean nothing to the one remembered; it can only remind the ones left behind how little they did while you were still alive.

For most of my relationships, I would have liaisons, and I would feel guilty.

Hip doesn't really come into play anymore as far as I can tell.

I hate to judge everybody across the board.

I'm somebody who can absorb a lot.

It's usually a spiritual thing that's preventing somebody from having happiness.