Quotes and Jokes by Sandra Bernhard

Sandra Bernhard is an American actress, comedian, singer, and author. She first gained attention in the late 1970s, with her stand-up comedy in which she often bitterly critiqued celebrity culture and political figures.

Top 15 Quotes (out of 87)


I really have a problem with any kind of drug, I always have.


Ellen's very mad at me. She's says if I want to start a war in the press, she's not the person to start with.


My father was a proctologist; my mother was an abstract artist. That's how I view the world.


Madonna's got one big choice. Take a couple of years off and become a human being.


When you're collaborating with somebody who's got a lot of stuff they haven't worked out yet, you're working out their vision as well.


They want families to come to New York and go to the theater, so the theater is all geared toward family entertainment. It's money, you know.


Onstage, I'm still wearing my fabulous, sheer dresses because I'm not that big.


I am always hoping to do another CD. This atmosphere has been difficult.


There will come a day when Anne Heche will be straight again.


I'm studying Kabbalah, which is really the essence of Jewish spirituality.


The fumes are killing us, and we wonder why things are going haywire.


New York has always been a sense of eclectic kind of freedom and expression on a lot of different levels.


I'm the only actress in Hollywood who didn't pay to have these lips.


Purim, one of my favorite holidays. It's like the original drag queen's holiday. It's when all the Jewish men go for it and feel no guilt for a change.


Of course, everybody's family is dysfunctional - we've accepted that. What are we supposed to do? Hate our parents for the rest of our lives?