Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 1055
The nature of comedy is "just do it". But I think what's interesting about it is this joke has been around and why. And it's just saying what's wrong and how wrong can you be if you say it.
Trousers can never be too tight. You have to go through a couple of days of pain, then everything stretches out.
I don’t think more concentration is required for Robert De Niro to do what he does as for Jim Carrey to do what he does.
I can't sing. Never been able to sing. I can't do voices very well. Every impression I do sounds the same. I can't dunk. Man, would I give anything to dunk. Just once.
Thank you, sir. Thank you very much. I assumed you were a guy, you might have female parts. I don't know per-say. And I don't mean to call it a per-say, but it might be... with sack.
You know what I do? I steal things. Fuck 'em! I grab a handful of candy bars and six magazines and head for the gate.
How far would you go for someone you love ? Well, when my grandkids ask me how I pledged my love to their grandma, I'll say, I told her I would die for her, after I found out I didn't have an incurable disease. Then, I ran away while grandma was getting her ass kicked by a pregnant woman that grandpa slept with. You never know when you're making a memory.
Have you noticed every time there's a murderer on the loose they have that advert pop up from B&Q - "this week, hatchets, half price!"
Is it true that cannibals don't eat clowns because they taste funny?
This year, I'm celebratedp our independence the old fashioned way: I made fun of fatties at the water park.