Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 1136
It's 103 comedians, or however many it is, and how would everyone tell it. It's enough people of substance that it makes you think of the people who aren't there that are alive.
I have lowered my expectations, sexually. I don't care what happens in bed anymore as long as I don't make any grammatical errors.
They say it's lonely at the top. It must be even lonelier at the tippy top.
The real joy is in constructing a sentence. But I see myself as an actor first because writing is what you do when you are ready and acting is what you do when someone else is ready.
[about her half-black boyfriend] I gave him a compliment! All right, I told him he probably would've made, like, a really expensive slave in the, like, in the olden-timey days.
I'm just trying to make a smudge on the collective unconscious.
If we can send a person to the moon, we can send someone with AIDS to the moon, and then someday we can send everybody with AIDS to the moon.
The only time a politico will try to avoid playing the blame game is when they or theirs are to blame.
The careers teacher told me I had a clear choice: if I didn't end up going to university I'd end up robbing post offices.
People on TV suck. If you ever meet somebody from TV, I want you to punch them right in the face. It'll probably get you on TV.