Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 1166
A president can be unpopular for good reasons. You know, I'm not always on the side that the people are right, for God's sake. But, you know, he's not popular when he goes overseas. He couldn't go to Rosa Parks' funeral.
Most people get an appointment at a beauty parlor... I was committed!
Fountains are more romantic when you don't hate the person you're with.
They flew me out in this plane that was only first class. It was all first class. It was the most psychotic thing I've ever seen in my life. The drinking that went on - it was like Mardi Gras. The nose of the plane started to develop red veins.
Just once I want to hear a motivational speaker whisper in my ear, "ya know, this is all bullshit right?"
I was looking at a bottle of water; they have nutritional facts printed on the side. You know, I'm no chemist, but I have a rough idea what's in water.
When John and Yoko promoted. "Give Peace a Chance" my folks sadly thought they just meant our family.
If it’s zero degrees outside today and it’s supposed to be twice as cold tomorrow, how cold is it going to be?
The average man thinks about sex every... What were we talking about?
You might be a redneck if you've ever shot anyone for looking at you.
You might be a redneck if your wheelbarrow breaks and it takes four relatives to figure out how to fix it.