Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 1181
It never occurred to them that God may have provided the world with a vast array of very brainy medical types for the very reason of solving problems such as theirs. However, there is one thing that the medical profession cannot do and that is save people from being idiots.
I can always tell how stupid someone is by how certain they are about what they’re saying.
Engrave this Quote Today I saw a red and yellow sunset and thought, how insignificant I am! Of course, I thought that yesterday too, and it rained.
There’s nowhere I won’t go. As long as it’s horribly, horribly true and or wrong.
Our Times, a Brief History: As televisions became flatter, People became rounder.
You might be a redneck if your wife weighs more then your refrigerator.
My shrink is so baffled she now blames her own childhood for my anxiety.
It isn't necessary to have relatives in Kansas City in order to be unhappy.
In school, every period ends with a bell. Every sentence ends with a period. Every crime ends with a sentence.
Be honest. How many of you never heard of Marco Rubio until last night? How many thought Marco Rubio was a game you played in a pool with the kids?
Lot of debate about the war lately. Democrats saying pull out. Republicans saying finish the job. It’s like the angel and devil on my shoulders during sex.
I’m very English really. I even ordered a book on the internet, ‘how to have absolutely nothing to do with your neighbors’. Unfortunately I was out when it was delivered.