Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 1181

You might be a redneck if you hammer bottle caps into the frame of your front door to make it look nice.

My nightmares have coming attractions.

Radio is a bag of mediocrity where little men with carbon minds wallow in sluice of their own making.

England is better only because I stand out there as 'unusual'.

I sold the memoirs of my sex life to a publisher - they are going to make a board game out of it.

You might be a redneck if you pick your teeth from a catalog.

I really don't require a whole lot in life.

A fly was very close to being called a land, because that's what it does half the time.

They say the measure of a man is judged by the company he keeps. <br /> [ looks around] I'm fucked.

You might be a redneck if you can't tell what color your car is because of the dirt.

My dad told me if I was ever intimidated by anyone, just picture them with their clothes off. He said that's how he dealt with my mom.

You might be a redneck if... your child's first words are 'Attention K-Mart shoppers!'

Engrave this Quote Today I saw a red and yellow sunset and thought, how insignificant I am! Of course, I thought that yesterday too, and it rained.

And you know that family, every few months, for years, from time to time, whatever it is they're doing they would just stop, stop and look at each other and go... what the fuck did they take?

George: Why've you had a grudge against your brother for 15 years? Benny: We Lopezes are a proud people... <br /> George: You have a birthday lunch at Denny's every month. We're not that proud!