Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 1220
A lot of people come to L.A. looking for something. What I came here for, I realize now, is to be okay with myself.
In my life, I have driven some crappy vehicles. But I have never been so desperate for a vehicle that I wanted a used rental car.
TV can be an acronym for television or transvestite. I prefer using it to describe the the latter. The former is strange and undignified.
There's something vaguely erotic about watching a woman eat a banana while cupping two plums.
So China's president Hu Jintao meets, uh - meets America's president. It's like President "Who?" meeting President "Huh?"
There are three kinds of people. Those who can count, and those who cannot.
My mother was always the one with the dark, really filthy sense of humor. She was a vulgar woman. She used to tell me to do comedy before I even tried it. She was always up for any gag.
You might be a redneck if you think Silence of the Lambs is what happens when Larry walks out to the barn.
Why do banks charge you a "non-sufficient funds fee" on money they already know you don't have?
I think one reason TV has always done well is because there is something comforting where you kind of know what you're going to be taken through.