Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 1232
Have you noticed that most of the women who are against abortion are woman that you wouldn’t want to fuck in the first place?
I just don't feel like you're right for me... sorry, just talking to myself.
Climate change is a serious problem. We all need to do what we can. Unless that means I’ve got to change stuff. Then I’m not doing it.
It's weird the way "finger puppet" sounds okay as a noun... ladies.
"Man went into a bar, he only had one arm. Guy sitting next to him said 'Hey, you've got your sleeve in my drink', man replied, 'There's no (h)arm in it' "
In Los Angeles on Black Friday, a woman pepper sprayed Wal-Mart shoppers who tried to cut in line. The police acted fast by immediately hiring her to get rid of peaceful protesters outside banking institutions all across the United States.
No one understands the way I feel about things I don't understand.
It's hard to know where your thoughts come from, especially when you have a thirst for material because you need it professionally.
When someone hands you a flyer, it's like they're saying here you throw this away.
Y'know, you can't please all the people all the time... and last night, all those people were at my show.
I'm a downer. I've been depressed my whole life. Figure it out.
If I do marry, I'll expect a pretty serious dowry. I'm talking goats, pigs, chickens, the works.