Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 1237

You might be a redneck if in tough situations you ask yourself, "What would Curly do?"

Have you noticed that most of the women who are against abortion are woman that you wouldn’t want to fuck in the first place?

In Los Angeles on Black Friday, a woman pepper sprayed Wal-Mart shoppers who tried to cut in line. The police acted fast by immediately hiring her to get rid of peaceful protesters outside banking institutions all across the United States.

No one understands the way I feel about things I don't understand.

I haven't slept for ten days, because that would be too long.

It's hard to know where your thoughts come from, especially when you have a thirst for material because you need it professionally.

If carrots got you drunk, rabbits would be messed-up.

How do you get off a non-stop flight?

I ate one anchovy, and that is why I did not eat two anchovies.

You might be a redneck if you haul more than U-Haul.

Just saw a woman with a t-shirt that said "southern and sassy, it's all good". Well madame, I beg to differ, it is in fact, not 'all good'.

I’m sick of following my dreams. I’m just going to ask where they’re goin’ and hook up with them later.

I tell ya, southern people, they always think you are hard-of-hearing. Every timr you leave they say to you, "You come back, you hear?" And southern people, they think you are horny too. You get directions, they say, "Just up the road apiece."

You might be a redneck if your father encourages you to quit school because Larry has an opening on the lube rack.

You might be a redneck if you've ever worn shorts to a funeral home.