Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 1237
When you go to a bar that has a black light, everybody looks cool. Except for me, because I was under the impression that the mustard stain came out.
I want to make a vending machine that sells vending machines. It'd have to be real big.
I went over to the neighbor's and asked to borrow a cup of salt. "What are you making?" "A salt lick."
Few things are more annoying than too many of any one ethnicity in the same room.
In honor of Earth Day, tonight’s program will be made up of 100 percent recycled jokes.
When I was a kid I remember thinking, if I had a girl, I would treat her really well. Little did I know, they don't always like that.
You might be a redneck if you're turned on by a woman who can field dress a deer.
If my kid couldn't draw I'd make sure that my kitchen magnets didn't work.
I read that MTV's Real World got 40,000 applications. That's amazing, such an even number. You would have thought it would be 40,008.
I bought a scratch off lottery ticket, but then I accidentally spilled calamine lotion on it, so it did not need to be scratched. Shoot! I will not know if I have won!
If you can't sleep, count sheep. Don't count endangered animals. You will run out.
See, this CD is in stores. The only way I could get my last CD into a store was to take one in there and leave it. “Sir, you forgot this!” “No, I did not. That is for sale. Please alphabetize it.”