Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 1236
I'm told anal sex is like Mariachi music. It hurts at first, but you get used to it, ultimately maybe even throw on a large hat and enjoy it.
I like refried beans. That's why I wanna try fried beans, because maybe they're just as good and we're just wasting time. You don't have to fry them again after all.
I like having a cold. I get to take my favorite drug, which is NyQuil… NyQuil is 180 proof. It’s the moonshine of medicine… When I got a cold I want something that’s going to screw me up. Because that way the blur seems interesting. NyQuil comes in two colors: red and green. And it’s the only thing on the planet that tastes like red and green.
I'll bet a lot more people would use the phrase 'go fuck yourself' more often if no one needed money.
You might be a redneck if you need an estimate from your barber before you get a haircut.
I went over to the neighbor's and asked to borrow a cup of salt. "What are you making?" "A salt lick."
Few things are more annoying than too many of any one ethnicity in the same room.
When I was a kid I remember thinking, if I had a girl, I would treat her really well. Little did I know, they don't always like that.
Do you ever have one of those weeks where you know nothings gonna go right?
I miss the $2 bill, 'cause I can break a two. $20, no. $10, no. $5, maybe, $2? Oh yeah. What do you need, a one and another one?