Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 209
When I went into Bobby's World, I had no idea it would be a success. I had been doing the Bobby voice as part of my nightclub adult act for years.
At least black people knew when they were slaves; you remain clueless.
I'll admit it, the Holocaust was definitely a bad thing, but do we really need Jewish people around? They have big noses. I said it! I said it!
I knew comedy was for me when I was the only Asian in high school that failed math. But you know when I failed eight other students around me failed too.
If you do not find me funny, that is your problem and I am not going away.
I like psycho chicks... Yeah, you hook up with a psycho, you're gonna learn something. First thing you learn is how to sleep with one eye open.
You go to McDonalds, they don’t even have numbers on the cash register no more. Got pictures of food. If you know what a french fry look like, you become the manager. You the smartest one there.
By the way, the proceeds from tonight's telecast - and I think this is so great - will be divvied up between huge corporations.
Like a lot of women, I'm bisexual. Once I have sex with you - bye!
I was such a nerd in high school, I didn't even have imaginary friends, I had imaginary bullies.
Any Hamas or Zionist type who tries to interfere with the labor unions and grab the money will be marched to the guillotines and subsequently beheaded. And isn't that easier and more productive than some endless, bloody conflict? So sayeth the gospel of common sense. Happy Mother's Day.
Sometimes heckling can almost help a set, because it ratchets up the tension in the room… can even bring things to a climax.